domingo, 9 de septiembre de 2007
Chistes en Ingles
A silent treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband reads an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...\
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...\
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"\
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain".\
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband reads an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...\
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...\
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"\
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain".\
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
COMO CUESTA SER ANGELITO
Una anciana muere y llega al Cielo. En las puertas del mismo se encuentra con San Pedro, y se ponen a conversar. De repente escucha unos gritos espeluznantes.
No te preocupes por eso -le dice San Pedro-. Es sólo que le están haciendo los hoyos en la espalda a alguien para poder ponerle las alas..
La viejecilla se pone un poco nerviosa con esto, pero continúa conversando.
Diez minutos más tarde, se escuchan nuevos y escalofriantes gritos.
¡¡¡Pero, Dios mío!!! exclama la viejecilla- ¿Y ahora qué está sucediendo?
No hay nada de qué preocuparse -le contesta San Pedro-. Lo que pasa es que están haciendo las perforaciones que se necesitan para instalar las aureolas.
¡Ah, no, eso sí que no!.. -dice la viejita- ¡No soy capaz de resistir todo esto!-
Mejor me voy al infierno.
¡Pero no puedes hacer eso!-le dice el portero celestial..- -¡No te puedes ir al infierno!-¡Allí abusarán de ti y te violarán!
¡¡¡ No importa, para eso ya tengo los hoyos hechos!!!
No te preocupes por eso -le dice San Pedro-. Es sólo que le están haciendo los hoyos en la espalda a alguien para poder ponerle las alas..
La viejecilla se pone un poco nerviosa con esto, pero continúa conversando.
Diez minutos más tarde, se escuchan nuevos y escalofriantes gritos.
¡¡¡Pero, Dios mío!!! exclama la viejecilla- ¿Y ahora qué está sucediendo?
No hay nada de qué preocuparse -le contesta San Pedro-. Lo que pasa es que están haciendo las perforaciones que se necesitan para instalar las aureolas.
¡Ah, no, eso sí que no!.. -dice la viejita- ¡No soy capaz de resistir todo esto!-
Mejor me voy al infierno.
¡Pero no puedes hacer eso!-le dice el portero celestial..- -¡No te puedes ir al infierno!-¡Allí abusarán de ti y te violarán!
¡¡¡ No importa, para eso ya tengo los hoyos hechos!!!
RENUNCIO A LA POLITICA
Estimadisimos
Desde hoy RENUNCIO a mis temas politicos, me he encontrado con gente con muchos rencores, muy poco tolerante, asi que como dice mi amigui Xime, me cabrìé. Desde hoy solo publicare chistes y situaciones graciosas en este blog, total , la risa es un remedio infalible!!!. Para que tratar de discutir temas que generan tanta urticaria en algunos? esperare un tiempo a ver si la gente de este pais por fin madura y se puede "dicutir" sin pelear.... quizas nunca pase, pero como yo soy FELIZ, seguiré siendolo y ya no haré mas reflexiones por el bien común. Si a la gente le gusta vivir amargada, allá ella, yo seguiré siendo FELIZ, espero que el nuevo look de mi blog los haga reir tambien.
Desde hoy RENUNCIO a mis temas politicos, me he encontrado con gente con muchos rencores, muy poco tolerante, asi que como dice mi amigui Xime, me cabrìé. Desde hoy solo publicare chistes y situaciones graciosas en este blog, total , la risa es un remedio infalible!!!. Para que tratar de discutir temas que generan tanta urticaria en algunos? esperare un tiempo a ver si la gente de este pais por fin madura y se puede "dicutir" sin pelear.... quizas nunca pase, pero como yo soy FELIZ, seguiré siendolo y ya no haré mas reflexiones por el bien común. Si a la gente le gusta vivir amargada, allá ella, yo seguiré siendo FELIZ, espero que el nuevo look de mi blog los haga reir tambien.
sábado, 8 de septiembre de 2007
pésimo humor
Hay dias en que uno amanece de mal humor. Pero es normal. Lo anormal es andar siempre feliz como la frutillita...
Me recuerdo cuando vivia en italia... hace varios años. En ese pais amanecer de mal humor era normal para uno y para el resto, nadie lo mortificaba preguntandole : por que te enojas??, que te pasa??? NO allá enojarse es una terapia, putear bestimiar es un ejercio que para los italianos es "normale". es por eso que dejo aqui con ustedes un video que encontre en youtube. es un comentarista de TV que en camara se enoja se desenoja "bestimiando" jejejejeje quizas es un ejercio saludable para eliminar los malos ratos... que creen?
Suscribirse a:
Comentarios (Atom)